he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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