feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
