You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
