I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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