you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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