I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
