brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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