Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
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I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
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On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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