I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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