Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
