he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
