he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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