last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
