I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
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You are in a perfect situation for a threesome, make it happen.
Did you yell out one of their names?
You don't sleep walk do you?
I'd be more embarrassed about being roommates with a married couple. Get your sh*t together and get your own place.
Well the married couple put the room up for rent so they need to get their shit together. They are the ones who need a tenant.
I pictured it as a You, Me, and Dupree type of situation.
Unless that married couple is your parents....you need to move out. Loser. And they need to self reflect.
JERKING OFF FAIL!
Your a JERK OFF FAIL!!!
They may have made love to the monkey howl