I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
