goodnight i made you a song goodbye
even my farts smell like vagina
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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