The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
