VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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