So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
