Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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