pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
