im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
