in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
