I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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