how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
