You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He called his prostate his "boner button".
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
