The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
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I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
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You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize