i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My vagina is officially offended.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
