genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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