i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
