Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
