Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
