I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I will be naked everywhere
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
