It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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