Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
