There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
How's work?
Spinning.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
