So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
