Kiss
Puke
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
