so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
