I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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