Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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