Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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