Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
