my mouth tastes like poor choices
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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