my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Pants are for mortals
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