If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
