I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
