so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
