Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
should my penis look like a turkey
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
