I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
