just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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