i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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