she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
