Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
