Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Too much gin, very little bucket
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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