im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
