I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
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Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
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look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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