i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
