Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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