what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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