you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
