Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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