you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
