She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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