do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
