I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
This is not my ceiling
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
