It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Found your dick twin last night
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
