Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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