My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
