Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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