Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
