the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
