No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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