Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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