So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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