I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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