even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
