so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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