This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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