I feel like abortions should bother me more
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
