bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
