I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
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