I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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