I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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