I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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